I am not one to express my feelings a lot, but this is what's on my mind. I felt it was only right to let my feelings show. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what I experienced a year and a half ago. Sometimes I just sit and think and I start to cry. I am filled with a lot of emotions, but there is a piece that is still broken. My mind is on overdrive and the feeling inside of me is still in disbelieve. Losing a family is hard, there are a lot of people that have experienced loss before. But how do you deal with it? Is there really a way? I honestly can't answer this. I keeping thinking back to when everything happened and it still doesn't seem real to me. Looking back on all of the memories I have with my Pop Pop are even more special to me now. Knowing that I am writing this, makes me even more sad, because I know he's really not here anymore. I guess what they say is true, "people think the most when it's night time".
Maybe it's just me, but I had so many things to say and I didn't get a chance to. Does anyone else feel that way? I do not know how to feel or how to cope. I feel like I'm not making any sense, but my mind is filled with a thousand thoughts. With any loss it's so hard, one day their here and the next they're gone. Everyday I think about these things. I didn't get a chance to say I love you and I didn't get a chance to see you that last time. While I am writing this I am feeling sad, but I have so many memories to cherish. Anytime I hear about a loss I feel sad. I know the person wasn't related to, but I know how that feels. Sometimes it's hard for people to open up, but it's important to have someone who understands. Dealing with a loss is hard, there is no way around it. It seems like everything reminds you of that loss: a movie, a song, a piece of furniture. My Pop Pop liked Raisin Bran cereal and when I was little I would eat it to. So a little after he passed away I remember eating that cereal, (at CVS they have the cereal bowls). So when I finished, I washed it out and saved it just because it reminded me of him. I am not going to tell you it gets better, its different for everyone. Know that you're not alone and it does take time, that's ok. It's also ok to cry and feel sad.